


The Awful Day

by Geradsredskittle666



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Autistic Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Autistic Meltdown, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Whump, Bisexual Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Depression, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, author is autistic, autistic shutdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29381412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geradsredskittle666/pseuds/Geradsredskittle666
Summary: Hawkeye wakes up from a nightmare and in his sensative state things spiral out of control from there. BJ helps him though his meltdown and shutdown. Based off a real life experience. Warnings: war, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, repression, ptsd, trauma, war related trauma, autistic meltdown, autistic shutdown, anger, touch aversion, two males comforting eachother. Pairings: Hawkeye/BJ.
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	The Awful Day

**Disclaimer:** I do not own MASH or any of its property. I make no profit off this work and do not intend to. I write to entertain. 

**Pairings:** Hawkeye/BJ 

**Warnings:** war, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, repression, ptsd, trauma, war related trauma, autistic meltdown, autistic shutdown, anger, touch aversion, two males comforting eachother. 

**Summary:** Hawkeye wakes up from a nightmare and in his sensative state things spiral out of control from there. BJ helps him though his meltdown and shutdown. Based off a real life experience. 

**Spoilers:** none

**AN:** ADHD!Hawkeye, Autistic!Hawkeye, Neurodivergent!Hawkeye, Autistic!BJ, Neurodivergent!BJ

START

When Hawkeye woke up, he just knew it was going to be a bad day. He could feel the storm coming. There was headache already building and could tell that he was already feeling extra sensative because he was already iritated by the noises from his tentmate. Damn nightmares! 

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty” BJ offered, already up. 

Hawkeye grunted, he was not feeling up to words. They felt further away than usual. Even a simple ‘Good morning’ seemed difficult to articulate. He sat up, trying to ignore how intense the sun felt on his skin, and tried to forget his nightmare. Suddenly a smell assaulted his senses, it went right to his head like a hammer trying to knock him out. He almost wished that it had knocked him out! A perfume...probably one of Charles colognes. He hated most purfumes and colognes, but it wasn’t really his place to tell others not to wear them...they already had the army controlling every aspect of their lives here, who was he to enforce more rules? 

He squeezed his eyes closed and hugged his knees, resting his head. Why was everything so intense today? The deep pressure from the touch and limiting his senses to four, not five helped slightly.

Suddenly there was a hand on his arm, and the contact instantly brought out anger. The touch burned against his skin and remained, even after the hand had been removed. “Go away!” He hissed angrily. He wanted to be left alone. He didn’t want to the touched. He didn’t want anyone in his personal bubble. He could handle this himself! Alone! He was suddenly aware that he was breathing harder than usual and focussed on calm breathing instead. 

He knew what was happening but why was it happening here? And how could he tell BJ? He had already lost most of his words, explaining what was going on and how to help was not even an option. It made him feel even more helpless.

BJ sat beside him, making no contact, “Hawk, what’s wrong? What do you need?” He asked carefully but caringly. 

Hawkeye just shook his head, he didn’t have words in his head, he couldn’t even began to explain. He wanted to cry. He didn’t know how to tell BJ that there was nothing he could do. He didn’t know how to explain all of this. He hated feeling this way. 

BJ considered the situation, communication might be needed in an emergency. “Can you answer in yes or no?” He asked without judgement. 

Hawkeye nodded. He still had that. He could still nod or shake his head. The thought gave him some comfort. 

“Okay, I can see your overwhelmed. Take some deep calming breaths. Do you want me to move further away?” 

He nodded. 

“Done! Is it okay if I keep talking to you?”

He nodded. He did find some comfort in that. 

“Are you hurt anywhere?” 

He shrugged, his body felt numb for the most part. There was a throbbing pain somewhere but he wasn’t really sure. His sensations were melding so that it was near impossible to pinpoint the what and where of anything. 

“I’ll take that as a yes. Just keep focussed on your breathing. You’ll get through this” he assured, though his voice was shaking slightly. He was out of his expertise here. Getting a handle on Hawk was difficult enough usually but this wasn’t what he was used to. Still, no one else would, so he would just have to do what he did usually: activate Daddy Mode and just hope his parental instincts would be enough. 

Hawkeye didn’t reply. He was trying to keep control of his senses, of his mind. It wasn’t easy. It was even harder when people insisted on doing things they thought might help. So when he heard Margaret and Potter enter, he tried to block them out. They would be 

unhelpful. 

Margaret could see that he was distressed, and what usually helped was touch so she sat beside him and placed a hand on his back. He flinched and pulled away. She had to leave..and now! He glared angrily. She didn’t understand...so he yelled “Go away!”. With all the anger he had. She flinched from this and scrambled back, looking at BJ for answers. BJ was the ‘Hawkeye specialist’. She felt helpless. 

He didn’t see her hurt confusion, he was too busy trying to make the burning sensation from her touch go away. He was losing control and fast. Despite his best efforts, his breathing was still difficult. He couldn’t lose control here, they would send him away. The thought didn’t help. His senses grew sharper, like knives. Harder to block out. 

BJ didn’t know what to do, but maybe touch would help after all. His instincts told him it would work. He approached, but Hawkeye didn’t even react this time. “Hawk, I’m going to try something” he said. 

Hawkeye still didn’t react. 

BJ took his friends hand and instead of a light hold, squeezed it hard. He waited, searching for signs that he should stop. Instead Hawkeye returned the squeeze and didn’t pull away. Approval. Even if he friend hadn’t looked up, it was progress. His friend was beyond awareness of his presence but had decided that BJ was allowed to stay. BJ just sat there with him, giving him time to adjust.

He watched Hawk relax slightly. So he decided to sit closer and put his arms around his friends, holding him tightly against his chest. Hawkeye responded immediately, by relaxing more. His friend unwound himself slightly and settled his head on BJs shoulder. Finally Hawkeye’s breathing started to slow back to normal. It took some time, but finally Hawk was completely relaxed and obviously exhausted. 

BJ knew Hawk was out of it when his friend uncurled himself and got more comfortable. Still his friend stayed in his arms, against his friends chest. “Sorry” Hawkeye said, quietly, guiltily. 

BJ didn’t like that at all. Why should he apologise? Hawkeye wouldn’t do this on purpose, so that meant that it was unintentional. Something out of his control. “Don’t be, its not your fault. You weren’t in total control” he assured firmly. 

Hawkeye was staring at him, his ocean blue eyes filled with disbelief. It made BJ angry all over again. Had no one ever told him this? Had he only ever been blamed? Punished even? 

“You would never do this on purpose. I know you. Besides, it’s not hard to see that you were overwhelmed. In that state, it’s hard to do anything but react. But you can tell me all about it later, right now rest. Your beyond exhausted” BJ said kindly but firmly. 

Hawkeye didn’t argue, or maybe he was too tired. He was sleeping fairly quickly. 

Margaret and Potter relaxed now. They didn’t understand but there would be time to explain later. Right now Hawkeye needed him. That was what mattered. 


End file.
